Gintama - Smackdown Arc
by HeroFiend
Summary: When a mysterious man goes after Sakata Gintoki with unknown intentions, blood will be shed... wait, was it ketchup? COMPLETE as of 21/4/14.
1. Prologue

**Genre: Humour/Drama**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama or any of the characters, except for the unknown guy cloaked in dark robes.**

* * *

**Gintama: Smackdown Arc**

* * *

At a remote bar somewhere in Kabukicho, a man cloaked in dark robes took a seat near the barman and ordered a glass of champagne.

"Hey," the man said, attempting to strike up a conversation with the barman. "Has Kabukicho changed in the four years I was gone? The exterior seemed to be more… organized nowadays. It used to be full of hoodlums, but there seems to be much less of that nowadays."

The barman popped the cap off a bottle of seasoned champagne.

"Sir, did you know of the the ones who ruled Kabukicho before you left?" he asked as he poured champagne into a glass.

"Of course, every single person in Kabukicho who has been involved in shady dealings will have known," the man said, accepting the glass of champagne and taking a sip. "Ah, great champagne you have here!"

"Thank you, Sir."

"If I did not remember wrongly," the man said, sighing contentedly. "Kabukicho was ruled by four individuals, each with outstanding abilities or influence."

"You are right, Sir," the barman nodded, cleaning a glass with a clean rag. "Peacock Princess Kada, The Demonic and Divine Mademoiselle Saigou, Doromizu Jirochou the Gallant and Empress Otose. To put it simply, the four devas. Saigou and Jirochou were famous for their strength and being one of the firsts to take a stand against the Amanto in the Jouishishi war over twenty years ago. Princess Kada was behind nearly all the gambling dens in Kabukicho, and holds exceptional power over underground dealings. Empress Otose was said to possess unbelievable influence, which could actually swing the balance of Kabukicho itself."

"So, those four worked together to improve the state of Kabukicho?" the man asked.

The barman set down a clean glass and took another one.

"No, just recently, all the four devas retired. I suppose you could attribute the current state of Kabukicho to their successors instead."

The man choked on his champagne. "They retired?! Why?" he spluttered.

"A few weeks ago, Kabukicho was on the verge of collapsing. There was a huge power struggle between the four devas, if I did not get the wrong information," the barman explained. "Empress Otose had even been rumoured to have died at the hands of Jirochou himself."

"Jirochou killed Otose?" the man asked. "I remember hearing rumours that he had feelings for her."

"Well, I can't confirm that, but I do know that Empress Otose's death was a mere false alarm. However, she seemed to have been injured badly, though," the barman commented. "After the entire situation had stabilized, Jirochou and Kada mysteriously disappeared. Empress Otose and Mademoiselle Saigou also announced their retirements. So I suppose something really big happened in that period of time. Sadly, my sources could only give me such limited information."

"Hmmm…" the man finished his glass of champagne and called for another one. "You mentioned successors. Did the four devas appoint the successors themselves?"

"I'm not too sure about that, but I believe that with the sole exception of Princess Kada, the rest should have been handpicked," the barman said. "After all, three of the successors had direct links to their predecessors."

"Who are the successors?" the man inquired, sipping from his second glass of champagne.

"Firstly, we have Queen of Kabukicho, Shimura Tae," the barman counted off. "I believe that if Kabukicho had ever improved, it will have been because of her. My sources have told me that she focusses on improving the image of Kabukicho."

"Queen of Kabukicho, Shimura Tae, eh?" the man said. "Sounds like a real force to reckon with."

"Well, secondly, we have Kenou Agou, the _okama. _I do believe that he took over directly from Mademoiselle Saigou."

"Well, seeing as Saigou was rumoured to possess monstrous strength even as an _okama_, his successor could hardly be weak as well."

"Thirdly, we have Kurogoma no Katsuo. He was the right-hand man of Jirochou, so he should have been the obvious choice to take over from his boss. If I'm not wrong, he has a rivalry with the Queen, though."

"If the Queen truly wished to improve the image of Kabukicho," the man said. "It makes perfect sense for her to be at loggerheads with Jirochou's successor. I swear that man only knows how to ruin the image of Kabukichou. So, I guess with Jirochou gone, Kurogama is the best swordsman in Kabukicho now?"

"Well, lastly, we have Sakata Gintoki. He was rumoured to have been selected by Otose herself."

"Selected by Otose herself? He must be a person with some real skill," the man said.

"He's more than skilled. You asked if Kurogama was the best swordsman in Kabukicho now. I'm afraid that as long as Sakata Gintoki still stays in Kabukicho, he will never be the best swordsman here. In fact…" the barman leans in closer and whispers.

"WHAT? HE DEFEATED JIROCHOU?!" the man cried out, before shutting his mouth at the barman's urging.

There was the loud noise of a table being flipped.

"Oi, you there! What kind of bullshit did you just say?"

The man turned around. Three grown up men were glaring at him, swords already in their hands.

"Our boss has never been defeated before, and never will," the one with the blue Mohawk snarled. "It will be pretty embarrassing for the Dobunezumi gang if such filthy lies spread out. Sorry, mate, nothing personal but you will have to die."

At these words, they charged at the man, yelling. The razor sharp edges of their swords aimed for his midsection, clearly intending to slice him in half.

"Geez, gonna slice me in half? Real sadistic, to be honest," the man shook his head as he drew his own sword, leaped towards the incoming figures and cut through the air three times. As he landed, he swung his sword in an arc and sheathed it.

Blood spurted as three bodies crashed to the ground. They never moved again.

"Sakata Gintoki, huh? I came here looking to fight the infamous Jirochou and I get someone even stronger than him," the man said softly. His eyes glinted darkly as he left the bar, leaving a trail of silence in his wake.


	2. Chapter 1: Challenge

**Genre: Humour/Drama**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama or any of the characters, except for the unknown guy cloaked in dark robes.**

* * *

**Gintama: Smackdown Arc**

* * *

The trio of Yorozuya Gin-chan were huddled around the table where there was a scroll, fancifully tied with a ribbon, placed neatly on it. The scroll was a faint yellow, and for some reason, distinctly wet. The trio simply stared at it, none seeming to relish the prospect of handling it.

"Why are we staring at this scroll-looking thing, Gin-san?" Shinpachi asked, breaking the silence. "And why is it wet? Even if it was tied so nicely, the fact that it's faint yellow _and _wet just makes me feel like washing my hands!"

"Really?" Gintoki said. "I don't have that feeling though. Why is that so? Have I achieved enlightenment? Am I a holy man? Tell me, Shinpachi-kun, do you see a white aura permeating from me?"

"No, Gin-san, all I see is a natural perm who has a dirty habit of not washing his hands every single time he uses the toilet," Shinpachi said.

"What could this scroll be?" Kagura asked, looking curiously with sparkling, blue eyes. "I'm curious! Could it be a love letter? Somebody could have been admiring me from far for a long time already, uh huh. What should I do? Should I accept it or send him to the moon, Gin-chan?"

Gintoki gave Kagura a sharp rap on the head.

"Kagura-chan, what have I told you about men? They are definitely not to be trusted," Gintoki chided. "Especially those who deliver love letters. Only men with no ball sacks will send love lette-"

A sudden gust of wind sent something flying down from the top of the cabinet.

"What is this?" Kagura inquired, stretching out a hand to grab it. "Looks like a piece of paper to me, yup. Wow, there are words on it! Hmm, let me see if I can read it, uh huh."

"Kagura-chan," Gintoki said softly, face turning pale. "I think we should focus on the love letter instead. You won't want to miss a declaration of love from some prince in a foreign country, do you? Come on, throw that piece of crap away and-"

Kagura began to read the piece of paper aloud.

"Dear Samanfa, I has alway ben admifing yo form far. You are the most beetiful porson I has evar meet. I wild be so glared to-"

"Give it here, Kagura-chan," Shinpachi stood and took the letter from her. Sitting down, he said," Your reading is causing me to have cancer."

"You wanna die?" Kagura raised a fist, glaring. "You wanna die so bad, damn four eyes? I will send you to the moon, you idiot otaku, uh huh!"

Ignoring his imminent death, Shinpachi cleared his throat and spoke.

"Dear Samantha, I have always been admiring you from far. You are the most beautiful person I have ever met. I would be so glad if you would agree to have a cup of tea with me. If you are willing, let's meet at the Starbucks near the _okama _shop at 4PM this afternoon. Sincerely, Gin…"

Shinpachi and Kagura stared at Gintoki pointedly.

"Haha," Gintoki mumbled, waving his hands in protest. "That wasn't me, I swear. That is like, the Ginpachi guy from class 3Z in middle school. Really, that guy sure irritates me, writing a love letter and throwing it in his friend's house. Gee-"

"Enough, Gin-san" Shinpachi said darkly. "Not another word or-"

"You damn natural perm!" Kagura yelled, shaking Gintoki by the front of his shirt. "How dare you play with a maiden's heart like that? You don't even dare to send a love letter and you have the balls to criticize those who do? Apologize to me now, you bastard!"

"Enough, Kagura-chan," Shinpachi said, approaching the scroll. "Let's just open up your love letter and-"

_Bam_

"Oi, what was that for?!" Shinpachi shouted as he slowly sat up, nursing a bruised cheek.

"Don't you watch romantic animes, idiot otaku? It's always the heroine who opens the love letters, not some masochistic side character with glasses, uh huh," Kagura said as she untied the ribbon from the scroll and unrolled its contents.

"Huh, what's this?" Kagura commented, screwing her eyebrows in concentration. "I don't see any 'love' or 'see my tower of babel' words on here, nope."

"What are you talking about?" Gintoki said, taking the scroll from her. "It's bound to be some X-rated stuff that can't be published with a K+ rating on Fanficti- What the heck is this?"

"What's wrong with you two?" Shinpachi edged nearer to take a closer look. "Is it something involving tentacle- What the _hell _is this?"

The trio simply stared at the contents of the scroll, dumbfounded.

The wooden doors snapped open. They turned around.

"Oi, Yorozuya," the woman with the cat-ears, Catherine called. She was holding a poster aloft. "Have you seen this? This piece of shit has been on all the walls of Kabukicho."

The trio read the words on the poster aloud.

**"Attention, KabukiFans! I am pleased to announce that Sakata Gintoki and Tendou Isshin will be competing for the Kabukicho championship title this Thursday at 4PM in KabukiMania! Will the king of the four Devas keep his title or will the mysterious challenger pull off an upset? Be sure to show your support! This match is strictly pay-per-view, so please book your tickets now at the nearest KabukiMania counter now! Disclaimer: No copyrights of any kind have been violated."**

They turned back to their scroll.

**"To Sakata Gintoki,**

**I, Tendou Isshin, hereby declare a formal swordsmanship challenge to you on this Thursday, 4PM at KabukiMania. Please send me a reply with your signature indicating your preferred stage attire, make up, sword and manager. If you do not wish to accept my challenge, please send this scroll back to me within two working days.**

**Sincerely, Tendou Isshin**

**P.S. I was so excited for the match that I actually did all the preparations before I sent you the actual challenge letter. My apologies there! I have distributed the publicity poster all around Kabukicho, so I'm sure you will want to give your loyal fans a good show. See you there!**

**P.S.S. I actually got a case of stage fright. What should I do?**

**P.S.S.S. Add an I between the P and S and remove the last S. Haha, hilarious, isn't it? I only just found it out!"**

There were a few seconds of absolutely awkward silence.

"Well," Catherine said appraisingly. "Looks like Otose-san will be able to get all her overdue rental fees back."

"Huh?" Gintoki said, looking stonily at her. "Is the sky gonna rain money or something? Or did she finally decide to give up her perverted shop and retire at the land of the Old Grannies? Great choice there, I must say."

"What the hell are you saying, you damn natural perm!" Otose said, turning up beside Catherine. "Since you are the one fighting, I placed a huge bet with the bookmaker in charge of the fight. If you win, I will get back all the damn rental fees you owed me for like an eternity."

"Just a warning for you, natural perm," Catherine said. "It's not just Otose who bet on you. Otae has also spent her savings on this fight. She was saying that if it was Gin-san, she will surely win enough money to restart her dojo." She paused and gave a sinister grin. "She also said that if Gin-san _somehow_ _lost,_it won't just be defeat for him. The whole of Kabukicho will see a beheaded head with natural perm hair being hung on the Kabukicho bridge."

"Better win it then," Otose said, turning around to leave. "Or I will kick your sorry asses out of this house."

The wooden doors closed.

"Hang on," Gintoki said, closing his eyes in concentration. "What the hell just happened? It was like an information bomb was just fired at me. What's this, _Neon Genesis Evangelion_? Oiii, somebody tell me what the _hell _just happened!"

"Ane-ue…" Shinpachi muttered, looking dazed. "Ane-ue gambled all her savings? Are you joking with me? All her savings? WHAT THE HELL, ANE-UE, GIVE ME BACK ALL THE MONEY I GAVE YOU FROM MY PART TIME JOBS," he started yelling. "HOW COULD YOU BET ALL YOUR MONEY ON THIS USELESS FELLOW? IT'S SUICIDE, ANE-UE, SUICIDE!"

"Shut up, damn four eyes," Kagura grumbled. "I'm pissed that somebody had sent a love letter to Gin-chan and not me, nope. So you better close that big mouth of yours before I do it for you, uh huh."

"How was that a love letter?!" Shinpachi demanded. "That was a blatant challenge letter to Gin-san and somehow my sister is going to lose _all _her hard-earned savings… and mine!"

He began banging his head on the wall, mumbling," This is all just a bad joke; this is all just a bad joke. I will wake up if I lose enough blood. Please let me wake up!"

"Shinpachi-kun," Gintoki gritted his teeth as he pulled Shinpachi away from the wall. "You won't just wake up if you continued doing that. You will wake up in an entirely different world!"

"I'm doomed," Shinpachi shook his head as he struggled to free himself from Gintoki's grip. "I will have to eat Ane-ue's food for the rest of my life. I'm doomed."

"Calm yourself, Shinpachi!" Kagura said. "Anego's food isn't that bad, after all. It was still made out of eggs, uh huh."

"What do you mean, _made out of_," Shinpachi said. "Has it somehow mutated into something else from eggs? Is that what you are trying to say? That does not comfort me one bit, Kagura-chan!"

"Hm? Tendou Isshin?" Gintoki said, seeming to recall something.

Shinpachi and Kagura looked at him.

"You know him, Gin-san?" Shinpachi inquired.

"No, not really," Gintoki said. "Just thought of something, that's all. In any case…"

He stood up.

"Rest assured, Shinpachi-kun. I might be bad at gambling, but when people choose to bet on me, I will not disappoint them like those damn slot machines," he said.

"Gin-san!" Shinpachi said, looking up with appreciative eyes. "You are going to fight in front of the whole of Kabukicho?"

"I have no choice, do I?" Gintoki said, hands slotted in his robes. "Those idiotic women will lose their fortunes if I do not turn up, after all. A samurai has got to uphold his own code, regardless of whether it was forced on him or not."

"Gin-chan!" Kagura exclaimed admiringly.

"Ah hang on," Gintoki said. "I guess I am not going after all. The 'Walking Dead' is having re runs at 4PM this Thursday and I don't want to miss out on-"

"Go to hell, idiot!" Shinpachi blustered.


	3. Chapter 2: A Weird Fantasy

**Genre: Humour/Drama**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama or any of the characters, except for the unknown guy cloaked in dark robes.**

* * *

**Gintama: Smackdown Arc**

* * *

"Guess it's about time I head out to get the latest issue of Shounen Jump, then," Gintoki mused, stretching and giving a prominent yawn. He dragged his body off the sofa, walked out of the wooden door, descended the stairs and hopped on his motor scooter.

Strapping on his helmet, he revved up the engine and was about to get going when synchronized female screaming nearly startled him onto the road.

"Oiii, who's shouting so hard at this time of day?!" Gintoki yelled. "Are you gonna pay me for my medical fees if I just fell off there and got run over by an idiot? Really, kids these days… Hmm? Is it just my imagination or is the screaming actually getting even louder…"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh, it's Sakataaaa Gintokiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" a group of girls in kimonos yelled, waving posters of what seemed like him as they ran.

Gintoki instantly envisaged a scenario in his mind, one which occurs in high school.

_It was a normal day at Oonishi High School. Every single girl was bored to tears with the constant rambling of their teachers when a single spark appeared; a beacon of hope who represented so much to these deprived girls._

_"Look," a girl with a ponytail whispers to friend beside her. "It's Sakata Gintokiii! Kyahhhh!"_

_Indeed, it was Sakata Gintoki, the student with the naturally permed and wavy hair. He was simply walking down the school corridors when every single girl's attention was drawn to him. He did not know what the fuss was about. He had not ever thought he was particularly handsome, yet these girls certainly seemed to think so. He had not ever thought he was particularly charismatic, yet these girls certainly seemed to think so._

_"Sorry, Sensei," Gintoki knocks on the door of his classroom. "I'm late."_

_"Oh, it's okay, Gintoki-chan!" the teacher, Ms Shimura Tae, smiles sweetly at him. "Go on, take your seat!"_

_"Sensei!" Kondo raised his arm, looking jealously at Gintoki. "Sensei, why did you let Gintoki go back to his seat when he is obviously late? That wasn't what you did for me, Sensei. When I was late, you asked me to go out of the classroom and jump down the st-"_

_A chair flew out of nowhere; it landed right in Kondo's face and knocked him onto his back on the floor, unconscious._

_"Alright, is there anybody else who wants to end up like the_ _gorilla?_"_ Ms Shimura asked in a threatening tone, her smile still on her lips._

_Obviously, nobody dared to speak._

_"Gintoki-chan, we are doing Sorachi's history now, so it will be great if you could turn to page 89 of your textbook," she said, giving that smile of hers._

_"Got it, Sensei," Gintoki replied stonily._

_Reaching into his bag, he pulled out his copy of 'Sorachi's History-A guide to becoming cheesecake'. Flipping to page 89, he proceeded to pay attention to the class._

_"Psst, Gin-san," a voice beside him called. "Look here for a minute."_

_Gintoki turned sideways to see his classmate, Sa-chan, displaying various types of lipstick on her table._

_"Gin-san," she said shyly. "Which one do you want me to put on? Or do you want to put it on for me? I don't mind where you choose to put it on…" she gestured provocatively._

_"Stick those lipsticks in your ***," Gintoki said, turning back to the front._

_"Ahhh, Gin-san," Sa-chan said, hugging her body enthusiastically. "It seems that even in your own fantasy, your sadism still does not disappear. It's okay, though, it's precisely in your own fantasies where you can do everything you want…" she winked._

_"Okay, go out of the classroom and jump off the railing," Gintoki said._

_"Ahhh, Gin-san! That felt good! More, more!" Sa-chan whined as she was absorbed in her own fantasy._

_"Oi, idiot, don't make so much noise. I'm trying to listen to the sensei here."_

_Gintoki turned around to see a raven haired guy glaring at him._

_"Since when did I make noise?" Gintoki demanded. "I was only asking the stalker to stick **** in her ***."_

_"Oi, since when did lipsticks become a censored word?! The way you phrased your sentence sounds so wrong I don't even know what's wrong anymore," Toshiro replied._

_"Sensei, Hijikata-san is talking in class."_

_Toshiro turned towards the light brown haired kid beside him._

_"Damn you, Sougo," Toshiro said angrily. "I was only asking the damn natural perm to shut up. How was I talking in class?"_

_"I don't know, Hijikata-san. The way I saw it, you were threatening Boss with that lethal object in your hand," Sougo replied, deadpanned._

_"How in hell is this a lethal object?" Toshiro blustered. "This is a pen!"_

_"That sharp tip looks like it can slice through three people at one go and not spill any blood."_

_"Damn you, Sougo, don't go all sadistic on me in class," Toshiro said. "You might have thought up of all kinds of sick plays but I am definitely not a M-"_

_Two markers flew into Toshiro and Sougo's faces. They crumpled onto their tables._

_"The next time I catch somebody talking in class," Ms Shimura said cheerily, smiling at the whole class. "I'm throwing this board here!"_

_"Gintoki, can I borrow a pencil of yours? My one broke off when I was writing rap lyrics," a voice asked from Gintoki's right._

_"Why the hell were you writing rap lyrics in the middle of history class, Zura?" Gintoki asked, exasperated. "How the heck do you even get inspiration for songs from history?"_

_"I am not Zura! I am Katsura!" Katsura replied. "Oh, you know, raps are often linked to the bloodiest happenings in history. In this case, I just mix some words from this textbook and put them in my rapping verses. Do you wish to hear them?"_

_"No thanks," Gintoki said._

_"When the heads fall off, the blood showers in a crescendo_

_yet, the spirits of these valiant warriors never give in._

_They abolish the tree of Sorachi_

_and leaves him hanging on his banana."_

_"Didn't I say I did not want to hear your crappy rap verses? Besides, how is that a rap? It sounded so slow and the rhythms were totally off. And what the hell was wrong with the lyrics? How did valiant warriors become so pathetic? I don't know and I don't want to know!" Gintoki said._

_"I thought it was pretty good, though," a voice came from Gintoki's front._

_"I don't want to hear what you think, you empty-minded idiot," Gintoki said._

_"Ah, c'mon, Kintoki," Tatsuma grinned. "You gotta admit that Shura's rap was decent. Just hear how he described the entire bulk of Sorachi's history in four sentences!"_

_"I am not Shura! I am Zura! Oops, I mean I am Katsura!" Katsura stumbled. "Tatsuma, looks like you have great taste in raps. We should have a rapping session in front of the class one day, what do you say?"_

_"Cool, Shura! I got these song lyrics in my head that sound real good. Let's get the party starte-"_

_A board came flying._

"Why the hell did I go and think of such a situation?" Gintoki slapped a hand to his forehand. "Makes no sense at all. Wait, the fact that I heard Zura's rap in my own fantasy means that I actually composed that rap myself? Does it work that way? I must be pretty depraved if I can think up of such an awful rap, oh my Sorachi."

"GINTOKIIII-SANNNNNNNN!" the fangirl screams erupted.

"Crap, what do I do when I'm surrounded?" Gintoki thought hastily. "It's like those high school animes where the male is exceptionally popular. All the girls will come chasing after him, and he will reject them cooly. But this is not a romance anime. This is a freaking gags anime. Gags animes are not supposed to have girls chasing after a male, are they? Ahhhhhh, what the _hell_ am I supposed to do here?"

_The girls surround Gintoki. Flashing a great smile, he takes them all by the shoulders and guides them to the okama shop._

"Totally will not work," Gintoki shook his head. "Besides, why an _okama _shop? Why the _hell _am I having such weird thoughts right now? I sense a hole in the fourth wall somewhere."

_The girls surround Gintoki. Flashing an evil smile, he rejects them all and leave their hearts empty like the stomach of Kagura._

"Not even I could do such a sadistic thing. Actually, could I?"

_Get on his goddamn motor scooter and get his damn Shounen Jump._

"Incredible, I actually thought of a great plan. Hang on, wasn't it why I left the house in the first place? The heck, I'm not thinking such useless stuff anymore!"

Without further ado, Gintoki set off, leaving a trail of screaming girls in his wake.

"Geez, it's all because of that guy. Now, the whole of Kabukicho know I am some stupid Deva. And why the heck is it termed 'Deva' anyway? I don't ever want to be known as a diva in my entire life, thank you," he voiced aloud. "Tch..."

_If he ever comes back to Kabukicho, he will want to fight me. Sorry, brat, but could you take over for me? Teach him the lesson I was never quite able to give._

"Tendou Isshin…" Gintoki mutters as he traversed the stretch of road in front of him. "So you're finally here, huh?"


	4. Chapter 3: Trust

**Genre: Humour/Drama**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama or any of the characters, except for the unknown guy cloaked in dark robes.**

* * *

**Gintama: Smackdown Arc**

* * *

It was another regular day for Yorozuya Gin-chan when they had received a scroll from an unknown person. After several heated debates, they had unrolled the contents, only to be rendered shell-shocked. Coincidentally, Catherine from Otose's snack shop had barged into their apartment, saying that posters have been hung up all over Kabukicho. Just when Yorozuya Gin-chan were struggling to comprehend this latest piece of information, Otose herself came and-

"Oiiii, what are you doing there?!"

Oh, Gin-san, I'm just providing a recap of sorts for those who had not read my earlier chapters of this story. It will be easier for them to understand-

"Oiiii, skip the fancy words, you third-rate writer! You are just like those anime producers, aren't you?! Forever looking to waste time!"

How do I waste time here, Gin-san? The only elements I'm wasting now are Microsoft words! Besides, the way the anime wasted time was simply despicable, preposterous! I will never be like them! Never, you got me?! Neve-

"You are wasting time even now, aren't you?! Now, get writing on the main component of this ridiculous story, you idiot otaku! The premise for this story is so stupid that I am cringing just at the thought of being inside it, but there are still readers who pity you and decide to read your work. So, start writing already!"

Don't be so strict, Gin-san. I just need to waste around 300 wor- No, sorry, I swear I didn't say that. I swear that I'm not just wasting words here because I have a severe case of Writer's block. Really. I have got the whole plot thought up, already. It's _definitely _not because of some Writer's block, you hear me?

"Just get going already, you damn third-rate writer! Before I submit a formal request to those people at FanFiction to ban your account for improper use of a favourite character!"

Okay, okay, got it. Chapter 3 of the Smackdown Arc will officially commence now!

"About time, you damn idiot otaku!"

* * *

The very air was electric. Cheers erupted from the stands around the arena as the announcer for the impending match spoke into his microphone, adopting a deep and composed tone.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Kozenigata Heiji, the "hard-boiled" detective, rumbled. "I am Kozenigata Heiji, and I will be your hard-boiled announcer for the match today. Staking my _kamiyu _on the line, I promise to deliver a hard-boiled commentary for you hard-boiled loving fans. Even if all they do in the match is shout and slap each other like women, you can count on me to describe a fight between Godzilla and Ultraman-_kamiyu._"

He glanced at the watch on his wrist. A Doraemon face was pointing to the number, 4.

"Ladies and gentlemen, after checking the time on my Rolex, I'm pleased to announce the official commencement of the match between the King of Kabukicho, Sakata Gintoki, and the mysterious challenger, Tendou Isshin-_kamiyu."_

Deafening noises filled the air.

* * *

"Oi, you damn natural perm! You better win this damn match or you won't have a house to go back to later! I mean what I say, you hear me?!" Otose yelled from the stands.

"You cannot count on him, Otose-san," Catherine said beside her, nodding her head knowingly. "I say, we search his house for all the valuables and kick him out straightaway."

"You just want to steal stuff, don't you?" Otose stared at her.

"Catherine-san," Otae said, smiling. "You should trust Gin-san more. Even if he seems to be an absolutely useless person who is just wasting space, he does have some skills with the sword. He will not lose that easily- You better not lose, you bastard!" she began yelling. "If you lose, I swear I am not gonna let you off, you hear me?! Answer me, you bastard!"

"Tae-chan, why did you bet so much money on that guy?" Kyuubei asked, standing right beside her. "This is not like you. After all, you spent so much effort trying to save money in order to rebuild your dojo. Even if it's that natural perm, it's still not a confirmed victory."

Otae gave a sigh.

"Kyuu-chan, I did not bet on that useless guy because I was tired of entertaining pervertic old men, or pained that I could not teach at the dojo Father left me and Shin-chan," she said, looking at the arena. "It's just that…"

_"Hey, did you see that poster already?"_

_"Yeah, I did. It's between some guy called Sakata Gintoki and a Tendou Isshin, isn't it?"_

_"Yeah, that's right. Did you know that the Sakata is some freelancer? Apparently, he operates a freelancing business."_

_"Really? A freelancer? How did a freelancer manage to become one of the four Devas? Does he have some exceptional skill or…"_

_"Well, I have heard that he's one rotten apple. Apparently, he stays in his home for long periods of time and goes out only to return home, drunk. How could such a guy have any skill? Just not possible. In my opinion, he probably only got the title because he was on close terms with Empress Otose."_

_"Empress Otose? One of the previous four Devas? He was close with the empress?"_

_"The freelancer supposedly rents the freelancing business' office from the empress. I won't be surprised if he had charmed her into picking him as her successor. Despite her influence, it's a fact that she's getting old. Add to that the fact that her old flame, Jirochou, had disappeared recently. An old and lonely woman. There's no better time to work his charms on her, is there?"_

_"Well, what you say does make sense. Kabukicho sure is going to the dogs now, isn't it? With such a person among the ones ruling this district, it's gonna fall sooner or later. I have got to get out of here as soon as my business deal is finished here."_

_"Hey, wanna take a bet on the match? To be honest, I have been doing the bookmaking for the match so far. However, I have been convincing the idiots that the freelancer was exceptionally strong. I just fed them these crazily stupid rumours that he had actually defeated Jirochou in a legit fight before. Could you believe the fact that those morons believed it? I was laughing so hard after they had placed their bets."_

_"Heh, by doing so, you could stand to win a whole lot more money, huh? I can see why they call you the Master of Rumours around here. Count me in, then. I cannot afford to miss such a good money-spinning opportunity."_

_"Alright, how much do you want to bet? Trust me when I say you should bet more. The mysterious challenger will definitely win for sure."_

_"Speaking about the mysterious challenger, do you know who he is? What if he turns out to be an even worse fighter than the freelancer?"_

_"Don't worry about it. If I'm not wrong, this Tendou Isshin fellow had some connections to Jirochou himself. Anybody with any form of link to the boss of the Dobunezumi gang will surely have some skills with the sword. Mark my words when I say that he will finish the match in ten seconds flat. I just pity the freelancer. He's gonna die horribly."_

_"In that case, I will bet the entire profits of my latest business deal, then. If I could make a killing here, I won't have to worry about finances for the rest of the year. Sounds pretty sweet to me."_

_"I am a good friend, am I not? Just make sure that you treat me to kamiyu as soon as you get those wads of cash!"_

_"Haha, you can count on me for that, old friend! Hey, Otae, pour one more bottle of that-"_

_Otae smashed a bottle of wine over the businessman's head. He keeled to the floor, unmoving._

_"Here's your bottle, Master," Otae said, smiling. "Have fun with it!"_

_Turning to the downright terrified bookmaker, she reached into the sleeve of her kimono and drew a bankbook._

_"Mr Bookmaker," Otae said. "If you will be so kind, I would like to bet all my money on this freelancer guy. It's possible, isn't it?"_

_The bookmaker was sweating profusely, but still managed to speak._

_"Missus, haven't you been listening to my conversation? The freelancer will definitely lose for sure. Why would you bet all your money on a guy with no skill-"_

_Otae smashed a bottle of wine right between his legs._

_"Listen to me, Mr Bookmaker," she said, vein at the temple throbbing. "This freelancer might be the most useless person on the entire planet, but to say that he has no skills is a major disrespect to the samurai code he follows. Being a practitioner of swordsmanship as well, I don't like it when fat, old men go around criticizing other swordsmen, even if it's that natural perm. Did you get what I just said, you pathetic piece of shit?"_

_The bookmaker was trembling uncontrollably, his pants wet with liquid that was not wine._

_"Yes, yes, I got it. You will be betting on Sakata Gintoki then? Don't say I didn't warn you…"_

_He quailed under her threatening glare._

_"I will be off, see you!" he exclaimed, running off with his hands shielding the front of his pants._

_"Hang on for a second there!"_

_The bookmaker halted in his tracks. Turning, he saw an old woman with a middle-aged woman with cat ears walking towards him._

_"It's Empress Otose!" the bookmaker thought, panicking instantly. "Had she heard what I was saying just now? What kind of luck do I have today? Wetting my pants in front of a fiery young woman and badmouthing someone who is in the vicinity. I should have listened to Ketsuno Ana this morning when she had predicted that Leos will go through depression today. Damn it, why didn't I listen?!"_

_"Otose-san!" he said, clapping his hands together. "What a pleasure to meet you! But what are you doing here? Isn't this a place for men?"_

_"I am only here because a loyal customer of my shop had invited me," Otose said. "Waste of time, really. The wine at my shop is of the same quality as the ones they serve here, and the price is much lower. Why would so many men spend so much money on this scamming cabaret club when they could go to mine? Really, I don't get how men think."_

_"You don't say, Otose-san," Catherine agreed. "All these women don't even hold a candle to me. I mean, what could get a man more fired up than a pair of cat ears?"_

_The bookmaker nearly had a fit right there and then._

_"Anyway, I heard that you were bookmaking for the upcoming match?" Otose asked._

_"Yeah," he replied, averting his gaze. "I am."_

_"Very well, I will like to bet my shop on the freelancer," she said._

_"Otose-san!" Catherine responded in shock._

_"Your shop?" the bookmaker repeated weakly. "Isn't that your way of livelihood? What are you going to do if you lose your bet?"_

_"I don't know," Otose said, puffing on her pipe. "I suppose I could just retire, then."_

_"What the hell is with these people?" he thought. "Why do they trust this freelancer so much? What kind of characteristics does this man have to sway such influential figures in his way? I don't get it."_

_"Very well," he said. With that, he dashed off, completely forgetting that he had wet his pants._

_Otose glanced over at Otae. When their eyes met, a smile seemed to pass between them for a second._

Kyuubei simply stared at her friend's face, before directing her gaze to the arena as well.

"If that guy loses, I will personally kill him," she said.

Otae gave a small smile.

"You will have to deal with his corpse, Kyuu-chan," she said. "I will be the first to kill him, after all."

* * *

"And without further ado," Kozenigata announced. "Let the warriors enter the arena-_kamiyu_."


	5. Chapter 4: HIP

**Genre: Humour/Drama**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama or any of the characters, except for the unknown guy cloaked in dark robes.**

* * *

**Gintama: Smackdown Arc**

* * *

"Another prologue?! Just when are you gonna get started with my fight, you piece of shit?!"

Sorry, Gin-san. I just felt that I _have _to mention some other characters before I get going with your part. Gets the momentum going,you know?

"Just what kind of momentum will that have? Even the readers who pitied you and checked out your work will get turned off, you damn idiot otaku!"

Okay, okay, stop throwing all those things at me! Chapter 5 of the Smackdown Arc will hereby commence!

"I swear I am so going to report to FanFiction! You hear me?! I am going to-"

* * *

Toshiro took in the sheer number of people in the stands.

"Why the _hell_ are there so many people at a mere duel?" he commented. "More importantly, why are _we _here as well, Kondo-san? Shouldn't we be patrolling the streets now?"

Kondo was evidently searching for somebody.

"Toshi, this is part of our job as well," he said, craning his neck. "We are here just in case the duel gets out of hand and civilians get caught in their fight. It's not like I came here just to look for somebody. Really, it's _definitely _not because of that."

"Yeah, I will believe you if you stop moving that neck of yours for one second," Toshiro replied, sighing and lighting up a cigarette.

"Who's fighting in this duel, anyway?" Sougo asked, staring at the arena. "If it's some untalented swordsmen with no skills, I might just kill the entire crowd here out of boredom. Is that fine, Hijikata-san? It's fine, isn't it? Thank you for the approval, Hijikata-san."

"Like _hell _it's fine, damn Sougo," Toshiro blustered. "I don't really care who's fighting, actually. I just want to get out of here as soon as I can-"

"Ladies and gentlemen, after checking the time on my Rolex, I'm pleased to announce the official commencement of the match between the king of Kabukicho, Sakata Gintoki, and the mysterious challenger, Tendou Isshin-_kamiyu," _the announcer declared.

The cigarette fell out of Toshiro's mouth.

"What the hell did I just hear? Oi, Sougo, what did that guy say just now?" he asked.

"Oh? Boss is fighting?" Sougo commented, completely ignoring Toshiro. "Guess I won't need to kill everyone here already, then. Aren't you glad, Hijikata-san?"

"The hell I am!" he replied. "What the hell is that damn samurai doing? And what is with the 'King of Kabukicho'? I swear that if it's some illegal stuff, I'm arresting the guy."

"I feel that 'Boss of Kabukicho' will be a more appropriate term for Boss, though," Sougo said. "King just does not have that aura to it, you know?"

"I don't care whether it's King or Queen! I just want to know what's happening here!"

"Toshi, relax," Kondo said. "Yorozuya will never do anything that is against the law. Just enjoy the fight while I look for Ota-"

"You said it, didn't you? You said you were searching for Otae!"

"I didn't," Kondo replied, maintaining a composed expression while casting his gaze as far as possible. "I definitely didn't, Toshi. How long have you known me? Would I ever do something as despicable as stalking?"

"Don't you do it every single day?!"

"And without further ado," the announcer spoke into his microphone. "Let the warriors enter the arena-_kamiyu_."

Despite himself, Toshiro settled back onto his chair and lighted up another cigarette.

"Guess I will just have to sit this one out, then," he thought, exhaling a puff of smoke.

* * *

"What have I been doing with my life?" the man with the ragged clothes and a pair of sunglasses on his nose thought to himself. "I have no job, my wife has left me, I spend my days sleeping on benches in the park and I have no goal in life. Truly, I am one true MADAO."

Roaming the street aimlessly, he was walking by an electronics store when something caught his ear.

"Ladies and gentlemen, after checking the time on my Rolex, I'm pleased to announce the official commencement of the match between the king of Kabukicho, Sakata Gintoki, and the mysterious challenger, Tendou Isshin-_kamiyu," _the speakers of the display TV blared.

Hasegawa Taizou tracked back and found himself looking at an empty ring in the TV. The stands were jam-packed, though.

"Gin-san?" he said softly to himself. He seemed to be recalling something…

_"Hey, you there."_

_Hasegawa looks up. A fat, old man was looming over him._

_"You look aimless in life. It's like you have lost a job, lost your wife and could only sleep on benches like you are doing now. Am I right?"_

_Hasegawa sat up, amazed by the old man's perception._

_"Old man, how did you know…?" he asked._

_"I am the Master of Rumours," the old man proclaimed. "There's nothing I don't know. I even know the winning number at the lottery corner a week later."_

_"Really, what is it?"_

_"It will be a variation from the numbers 0000 to 9999."_

_"Err, I'm not asking for the definition, I'm asking for the number."_

_"As I was saying, you looked aimless in life," the old man said. "That will not do, young man."_

_"Were you trying to change the topic, old man?!"_

_"Why don't you take a bet with me?"_

_"A bet?" Hasegawa repeated. "What bet?"_

_"A bet on the victor of the KabukiMania this Thursday."_

_"But I have no money. How do I place a bet?"_

_"Do not worry. I am a kind man, so I will be more than willing to accept that pair of sunglasses of yours as compensation."_

_"Errr, no, I can't place my sunglasses as a bet. It makes me, after all. Without it, I won't even be a MADAO. I will just be Gendo Ikari without glasses, you know?"_

_"How could you be so indecisive?!" the old man blustered. "Men should always look forward in life. How could you let a single possession take away your opinion of yourself?"_

_"But…"_

_The old man slowly turned around and looked at the sky._

_"When a man has become a MADAO, no matter what happens, he will always remain a MADAO. All you have got to do is believe in yourself! As long as you dare to believe, nothing will be impossible!"_

_"In that case, could I recover from my MADAO status?"_

_"Sorry, that is impossible, even if you believed in yourself as hard as regular people strain in the toilet."_

_"Guess not, huh…" Hasegawa looked at the ground wistfully._

_"But even still, do you dare to take that step with me?" the old man asked, looking at Hasegawa with a wise expression. "Do you dare to… believe?"_

_Hasegawa found himself wanting to agree with the old man's words. All of a sudden, his glasses did not feel so important anymore, as if a huge Angel has been lifted off his shoulders._

_"Alright, old man, I will bet my identity. So, what are the choices?"_

"Gin-san…" Hasegawa said as he stared at the TV. "I'm counting on you now. Without my sunglasses, I will probably initiate the Human Instrumentality Project, or the MADAO HIP."

"And without further ado," the speakers rumbled. "Let the warriors enter the arena-_kamiyu_."

* * *

"From the left side of the arena," Kozenigata announced. "We have the King of Kabukicho, Sakata Gintoki!"

A deep and haunting melody began to play around the arena. Fireworks were launched into the air as the entrance from the left side emitted a steady stream of smoke. Three figures were barely visible.

"Three?" Kozenigata looked at the piece of paper in front of him. "I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen. Alongside the King of Kabukicho are his managers, Kagura 'Gurako' Gura and Shimura 'Megane' Shinpachi."

"Why is my stage name 'Megane'?" a voice yelled from the smoke. "Who decided on that?! Why do I have to be the glasses man even here in the arena?! Oi, give me a reason!"

"It's because of that, you know," Kozenigata replied. "It's hard-boiled, that's why."

"How the _hell _is that hard-boiled? How is a pair of glasses hard-boiled? And why are you giving the managers stage names but not the actual fighter? Most important of all, why are _you _commentating? Don't you work for the government?!"

"You know the bitter taste that is left hanging in your mouth once you accomplished a difficult mission? That is precisely what I am feeling now. Thus, I'm here to sweeten the taste by watching a hard-boiled fight between two warriors-_kamiyu._"

"_You _accomplished a difficult mission? That is honestly hard to believe, Kozenigata-san."

The smoke finally cleared. Three individuals were positioned in a Charlie's Angel stance.

"That took long enough!" Gintoki shouted. "My legs were shaking from numbness already, you damn producer!"

"Yeah! Now, I need ten bowls of rice to recover all my energy, you bastards!" Kagura added.

"Just how much energy did you lose in those seconds?!" Shinpachi yelled. "Besides, let's get going already. I'm feeling pretty self-conscious with so many people staring at us."

"Patsuan, you should not let those people get to you," Gintoki chided. "You should always live life to the fullest without fearing the judgement of other people. After all, are you the one living your own life or are they the ones?"

"Are you in a position to say that, Gin-san?" Shinpachi asked, eyeing Gintoki critically. "Coming from a useless man who only plays _pachinko _and gets drunk, it could sound pretty misleading."

"Oi, where's my rice?!" Kagura hollered. "I'm gonna faint already, yup!"

"Stop asking for rice already, Kagura-chan! Why do you need energy anyway? You are not the one fighting! You are just supposed to stand there and shout support to Gin-san, that's all!" Shinpachi demanded.

"But, Shinpachi," Kagura said earnestly. "Didn't you watch all those WWE fights? The managers either always get hit by metal chairs or hit other people with metal chairs! I saw it, uh huh!"

"Kagura-chan, that's WWE. This is a samurai's showdown, not a WWE fight!"

"But, the title of this story is Gintama – Smackdown Arc. Shouldn't there be some wrestling? Like, a tombstone piledriver here and a chokeslam there?"

Kagura proceeded to grab Shinpachi by the waist from his back.

"OI, Kagura-chan! Don't do those practiced stunts on me-"

Kagura flung Shinpachi onto the floor.

"Stay down, Shinpachi!" Kagura said, before pinning him on the ground. She looked at Gintoki, who has somehow dressed himself in a WWE referee's uniform.

"1!" Gintoki yelled as he slapped the ground with his arm. "2!"

"Grrrr…." Shinpachi went as he tried to escape the pin.

"3!" Gintoki signalled for the victory.

"Yay, I won! Take that, you glasses!" Kagura screamed as she danced in a victory parade.

"That's not the point, is it?" Shinpachi said, dishevelled. "Let's just go into the ring already, can we? I can sense lots of hostile glances being cast our way even from here!"

"Oi, what are you guys doing?! Get the match started already!" the crowd in the stands yelled.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Shinpachi shouted to the spectators. "Sorr- OI, who just threw something at me? And why only me?! Why does the straight man always get the short end of the stick?! I'm gonna ask the gorilla to change me to a funny man, you hear me?! I will do it- OI, stop throwing already!"

The trio dodged all sorts of objects, one of which looked suspiciously like a bag of black, fried eggs and made their way to the perimeter of the ring.

"I'm going in, then," Gintoki said. "Now, I have a favour to ask of you two."

"What is it, Gin-chan?" Kagura asked, looking worried. "Do you have a stomachache? I told you not to eat so much sugary stuff before the school trip starts, didn't I? You just refuse to listen, don't you? Now see what happened, yup!"

"What are you, his mother?" Shinpachi turned to Gintoki. "Gin-san, what is it?"

Gintoki looked at the both of them.

"No matter what happens," he said. "You cannot intervene in the match. Even if I am going to die, do not come in. You hear me?"

"But-" the both of them tried to protest, but were silenced by Gintoki's serious gaze.

"Don't worry," Gintoki grinned and patted the top of their heads. "When have I ever lost a match when I'm serious? Just wait there for me and we will have some parfaits later on."

"And some sukonbu, yup!" Kagura chimed in, beaming.

Shinpachi hesitated, but nodded his head in the end. He gave a weak smile.

Gintoki leaped onto the ledger and entered through the ropes.

"From the right side, we have the mysterious challenger, Tendou Isshin! And alongside him are his managers, Nobuda 'Undertaker' Itai and Miyazaki 'Kane' Hayaki!" Kozenigata declared.

The arena suddenly lapsed into complete darkness.

Screams erupted from the stands. The sudden absence of light had caused the spectators to be reeling in shock.

"What in the _world _happened?" Kozenigata commented. "Has my eternal enemy finally come to claim my head? Come out, eternal enemy! I will drink _kamiyu _after I'm done with you-_kamiyu."_

"You just want to say _kamiyu, _don't you?!" Shinpachi, ever the straight man, shouted.

The lights, just as suddenly as they had gone out, were restored again.

Heavy sighs of relief were apparent in the stands. However, there seemed to be a figure dangling from his chair, butt facing up.

"Go to _hell, _gorilla!" a yell surfaced. It was without a doubt, the yell of Shimura Tae.

"Ane-ue?" Shinpachi mumbled. "She came to watch? Ane-ue, I'm here-"

"So, you are Sakata Gintoki?"

In the ring, where there was only Gintoki just a moment before, another man had appeared. Draped in black robes with a golden sword sheathed at his side, he cut a fearsome figure.

The man shook an orange lock of hair out of his eye and unsheathed his sword.

"Let's get started, shall we?" Tendou said, grinning. With a burst of speed, he lunged for Gintoki.

"Gin-san!" Shinpachi yelled.


	6. Chapter 5: Master and Disciple

**Genre: Humour/Drama**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama or any of the characters, except for the unknown guy cloaked in dark robes.**

* * *

**Gintama: Smackdown Arc**

* * *

Gintoki unsheathed his own wooden sword and barely managed to meet the blow in time. Gritting his teeth, he centred a huge burst of strength in the back of his sword and sent Tendou recoiling.

"Didn't you say you had stage fright?" Gintoki commented. "You sure packed a lot of power in that first strike when so many people are watching you."

"Heh," Tendou gave a smile, reaching out a hand to grab the ropes. "I only wrote that because I wanted to proceed on to the third P.S."

"Just how much of an idiot are you?! Is PISS such a funny thing that you must share it? Don't you see it every day when you use the toilet? Besides, if you just inserted an I in the second P.S., it will have been the same word, you idiot!"

"Oh," Tendou mumbled, head inclined slightly. "Oh yeah, you are right! How could I not have thought of that?"

"Because you are an idiot, that's why!" Gintoki yelled as he charged at him.

The wooden sword sliced thin air.

More out of instinct than anything, he immediately spun around.

There was nobody in sight.

"Crap," Gintoki mutters as he rolls to the right. The tip of a golden sword pierced through the very spot he had been in just a second ago.

"That was close," he thought. "Is my sugar level running low? I must make sure to get more parfaits later. Maybe I could put it on this guy's tab."

"As expected from the samurai who managed to defeat Jirochou in battle," Tendou said appraisingly, contemplating his next move. "You have the strength _and _the agility. What about… your skill?"

He used the middle rope at the side of the ring as a form of footing and leapt towards Gintoki, spinning in an arc.

"Tch, what skill are you talking about? Ballet?" Gintoki said as he dodged out of the way. With Tendou's back mercifully exposed, Gintoki aimed right for him with the back of the sword.

Tendou somersaulted into the air and landed right behind him.

"My win, then," he says, before making a stabbing motion. Gintoki could only turn around to face him when the golden sword pierced through fabric.

"Gin-san!" Shinpachi and Kagura yelled outside the ring. The air turned still.

Blood spurted, but Gintoki was still on his feet.

"What the?" Tendou said, stepping back. "I could swear I just stabbed through your heart. How are you still standing?"

Gintoki grins as he turns around. "Sorry, but that wasn't my blood." He reached into his robes and drew out a red-coloured bottle.

"Is that…" Tendou squinted. "Is that… ketchup? Why the _hell _do you have a bottle of ketchup on you?!"

"Well, sometimes when there are no sweet condiments for my food, I will resort to this bottle of mine," Gintoki gave a wide smile. "It might not be that sweet, but it still supplies enough sugar for my system."

"All I know is that you are not going to live for long with that sugary lifestyle of yours, dude," Tendou said.

"It's fine. If I am going to die anyway, why not live life beautifully to the end?"

"Your sense of beauty is sugar overdose? Well, I don't know what to say to that, to be honest. But…" he charged at Gintoki. "My sense of beauty is much better than that, that's for sure."

"Really?" Gintoki said, parrying his slice. "Why don't you tell me about it? Your sense of beauty…"

Swords locked in combat with neither party willing to give way, they were literally face-to-face.

"Why should I?" Tendou gave a forceful grin. "You will not understand anything about it, anyway."

"You are right, I won't understand a shit about it. But know this, your master did understand-"

Tendou's pupils contracted; with a huge burst of strength, he broke the deadlock.

"He told you, huh?" Tendou said, spitting on the floor. "That old man told you all about me?"

"Not exactly everything," Gintoki said. "But he did say he got this talented student a long time ago. That student had basically everything, but with a warped sense of beauty, apparently."

"Warped? How is that student's sense of beauty warped?" Tendou snarled and lunged at Gintoki, sword poised for an overhead cut.

Gintoki parried the blow with an underhand strike. Countering, he exerted force on his sword and sent Tendou crashing back towards the ropes.

"That student felt that Kabukicho should be doused in red. Not your normal ketchup or chili red, though," Gintoki said, eyebrows descending slightly. "He felt that the district should be doused in blood. Real sadistic, isn't he? Imagine painting an entire district with the blood of the residents. Really takes the icing on the cake, geez."

"Was he wrong?" Tendou yelled, leaping off a rope and piercing through the air. "Was he wrong to have such a sense of beauty? Was that wrong enough to get him expelled by his master? Tell me, was that really so wrong?!"

"Don't underestimate human lives, you idiot!" Gintoki shouted, barraging forward and sending a shell-shocked Tendou to the floor. "They are not your playthings, nor are they in any way inferior to your own. If you thought that the blood of humans would beautify the district, you were not just wrong. You had totally gone against the teachings of your master, you idiot!"

"Did I?" Tendou hollered. "All I wanted was to see my master taking his rightful place as the ruler of Kabukicho. He had always been protecting the district in the shadows, yet the residents seemed to regard him as scum. Am I wrong for wanting to see those bastards' blood splashed on the buildings? Am I wrong for wanting to see my master get recognized for what he did?!"

He clutched his head in his hands, looking for all the world like a trembling wreck.

"If it was not for my master, I will have been dead on the streets long ago. Kabukicho was an unforgiving place. If you did not learn how to survive, it will definitely reject you," he shook. "Yet, a supposedly fearsome man not only saved me, but clothed me and taught me in the arts of swordsmanship. I wanted everyone to see him as I do. I wanted everyone to respect Jirochou, not despise him!"

"When I told him about my ideals, I thought he will encourage me or something. Surely he wanted some due respect as well? Yet, the old man forcibly ejected me from his tutelage and left me on my own. I wanted to make him regret his decision, but even I was aware that I am not strong enough. I left Kabukicho for the village of Sinewacho, where I met a samurai who might even be stronger than Jirochou. After training under him, I felt I was finally ready to avenge myself. When I left, these two idiots followed me, saying that they wanted to protect me," he pointed to his managers, who were standing rigidly outside the ring, biting their lips.

"It was kind of a shock when I found out that Jirochou had disappeared from Kabukicho. All I ever wanted to do in the last four years was to defeat him, yet he vanished on me when I finally came back. What had I trained so hard for, I had thought," he gave a bitter laugh. "But the barman I was talking to had told me about a certain individual. If he was not wrong, that individual had actually defeated Jirochou right before he disappeared."

He gave a forceful smile.

"My hopes were raised. I thought that if I could defeat the man who actually won my master, I will be able to avenge myself in an alternate way. But it didn't work well, did it? I'm here, crashed in a slump at the side of the ring, totally defeated."

He closed his eyes. "Finish me off, then."

Gintoki gave a sigh and sheathed his sword.

"Listen here, you idiot," he said. "What you had wanted right from the very start wasn't revenge. Your supposed sense of beauty was a great deal of Sadaharu-shit as well. All you have ever desired for was for your master to be respected, to be recognised for his virtue. Your sadism just took that simple desire to a totally whole new level, that's all."

"What do you mean?" Tendou asked, outraged. "I was out baying for his blood right from the very moment Jirochou disowned me!"

"Look at the venue you picked," Gintoki said, gesturing to the stands. "Why was it that you chose to publicize our duel? Why didn't you just approach me on the streets and fight me there and then? Since when did samurai fights turn to WWE brawls?"

"I…" Tendou muttered.

"Somewhere in your subconsciousness, you wanted everyone in Kabukicho to see Jirochou's student fight. You wanted them to see the skills that Jirochou himself had somewhat imparted. Even in some tiny way or another, you felt that your master would have been recognized," Gintoki said.

"That's…" Tendou paused, looking down.

"Stand up," Gintoki commanded.

Tendou looked up, saw the intense gaze in his opponent's eyes and slowly regained his footing.

"Since you challenged me in the hopes that you will be able to defeat Jirochou in some twisted, sadistic way, it will only be fair for the challenge to be similar to the duel I had with Jirochou," Gintoki said, unsheathing his sword and reaching into his pocket.

Tendou held his own sword, looking confused.

"When this coin lands on the ground," Gintoki played with a metal coin on his fingertip. "We will aim to defeat each other in a single strike. Did you get it?"

Tendou's eyes widened.

"That… that was a game I used to play with him…" he stuttered. "But it wasn't with real swords. It was played with wooden swords…"

"Well, here goes, then," Gintoki said, flipping the coin high into the air.

As the entire crowd in the stands waited with bated breath, Gintoki and Tendou held their swords ready at the side and looked at each other.

_Ting_

At the very instant the fallen coin emitted the tinkling sound, both samurais leapt towards each other with a single strike.

The atmosphere was heavy, abnormally so. Both samurais stood for a few seconds, before one eventually fell.

"Haha," Tendou gave a small laugh. "Was that how you defeated my master as well?"

"Yeah, but I used the back of a silver sword, though," Gintoki said, sheathing his wooden sword.

"I see. Looks like I was really foolish for believing that I was ready to challenge my master. Four years of training is obviously not enough to upend an old man with twenty years of experience. Ahh, I really screwed up this time, didn't I?"

"Go and find out yourself," Gintoki said. "That old man is near the Flora Mountains with his daughter, although I just can't fathom what kind of things they could do together in some flowery land."

"Master has a daughter?!" Tendou gasped, choking on his breath.

"Yeah, a real sadist like you," Gintoki snorted. "I bet you could hit it off straightaway. Probably go around murdering flowers or something." He climbed out of the ring and smiled at the beaming face of Kagura. After he had patted her head, he turned to Shinpachi, who was looking strangely morose.

"What's wrong, Patsuan? What's with the gloomy face? You won't have to eat your sister's cooking for the rest of your life already, you know?"

Shinpachi did not say a word. He simply stepped forward and took Gintoki's weight on his own shoulder.

"Not even you can fool me, Gin-san," Shinpachi said softly. "That blood of yours isn't just ketchup, is it?"

Gintoki simply closed his eyes and smiled.

"Glad you noticed, Patsuan," he said, before his vision faded to black.


	7. Epilogue

**Genre: Humour/Drama**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama or any of the characters, except for the unknown guy cloaked in dark robes.**

* * *

**Gintama: Smackdown Arc**

* * *

"Chocolate parfait! No, don't run away from me!" Gintoki yelled as he chases a life-sized chocolate parfait. For some reason, the dessert had sprung out feet.

"Noooooo," he cried as the parfait ran into a huge hole. Was it really a huge hole? This one had white crevices lining the upper and bottom parts, though.

"Haha, I ate your parfait, natural perm, uh-huh!"

"Hm?" Gintoki thought. "Did I just hear Kagura's voice?"

He looked up from the hole.

"Wait, isn't that just Kagura's mouth?!" he shouted, looking at a pair of familiar, blue eyes gazing at him.

"Looks nice, Gin-chan. Let me have a taste, yup!"

"What are you talking about, Kagura-chan? What else is there to eat- Are you referring to me?! No way, no way! You will get diabetes from eating me, Kagura-chan! It won't feel good, really! I will taste even waste than Otae's egg-"

A huge mouth engulfed him.

"Ah, I'm dead," Gintoki thought.

His eyes opened. The first thing he saw was a pair of blue eyes staring at him.

"Gin-chan? Are you alive? Gin-chan?" she asked, eating a banana right on top of him.

Gintoki looked at her for a while.

"So it was because of you that I got that weird ass dream!" he shouted, rapping her head smartly.

"Oww, it's painful, Gin-chan!" she complained, nursing her head.

Gintoki glanced around his surroundings. He seemed to be in a hospital room.

"I was taken to the hospital, huh?" he inquired. "How long was I out for?"

Kagura thought for a moment.

"Three days, yup!" she replied.

"Three days?!" he exclaimed. "My sugar level is running dangerously low! I need som-"

Gintoki grabbed the half-eaten banana out of Kagura's hands and chomped furiously on it.

"More, Kagura-chan, or I'm gonna die soon!" he managed to say between some heated munching.

"Here, Gin-chan!" Kagura planted an entire basket of… Just an empty basket in front of Gintoki.

"Kagura-chan," Gintoki said tentatively, pointing to the basket. "Why is it empty? Shouldn't it be full of fruits? Shouldn't I be the one eating them now, since I am the patient?"

"Don't worry, Gin-chan," she said, nodding her head with her eyes closed. "I ate them all for you, yup!"

Gintoki simply stared at the empty basket.

The door opened.

"Gin-san, you're awake!" Shinpachi exclaimed.

"Yeah, somehow I am, Patsuan," Gintoki muttered listlessly.

"Ah, hang on," he said as he dumped a whole assortment of sweets in front of Gintoki.

"Sugar!" Gintoki cheered as he immediately began to cram them in his mouth.

"Ane-ue and Otose-san bought them for you. Said this was a small reward for winning the match. They were actually by your side the previous two days as well, but once your condition had stabilized, they had dashed off, saying that they needed to get their money," Shinpachi said.

"Pfft, masdstelic wfmen," Gintoki mouthed between gulpings.

"Oh yeah, the Shinsengumi and Hasegawa-san were here as well," Shinpachi said, looking thoughtful. "The Shinsengumi were forced to leave soon, though. Ane-ue was gonna tear down the whole hospital soon if they did not."

"Why the _hell _is this sweet full of white and thick stuff?" Gintoki demanded, looking at a particularly large sweet.

"Oh, that will be the one by Hijikata-san," Shinpachi said. "He sponsored some sweets as well."

Without hesitation, Gintoki threw the sweet in an arc into the wastepaper basket.

Opening another sweet, he asked, "Why did Hasegawa-san come? How did he kno- Why the _hell_ is this sweet so spicy?!"

"That will be the one Okita-san gave you, Gin-san," Shinpachi said, looking at it. "He said that he added some tabasco sauce in it to _spice _you up."

Gintoki threw the half-eaten sweet out of the window.

"Oh yeah, Hasegawa-san came by and dropped you this," Shinpachi said, pointing to a pair of sunglasses on a table beside Gintoki.

There were a few seconds of awkward silence.

"Anyway," Shinpachi continued. "Hasegawa-san said that he will start to believe as hard as possible, and start a new life. He said that he did not need his sunglasses anymore, for some reason."

"Madao is still Madao even without sunglasses, isn't he?" Kagura commented after a while.

The other two inadvertently nodded.

* * *

"It should be here, I think," Tendou muttered as he stared at a piece of paper. "At least I think so. Why the _hell _did that damn samurai draw the location himself? I got lost three times already!"

He looked up and saw a beautiful sight.

Yellow dandelions danced in the wind, seeming to be welcoming his arrival. Petals streamed the air currents, looking for all the world like a gathering of a million yellow butterflies. The grass was soft and rustled gently under his feet.

"This…" he murmured, losing his grip on the piece of paper. It floated away, riding the currents.

"Hey, stop!" Tendou yelled as he dashed after it. "I will get lost if I lose you! I don't have Google Maps on my smartphone!"

_Bam_

He crashed into something. Falling onto the grass, he shielded his eyes from the intense sunlight.

"Oi, brat, watch where you are going."

"That voice…" Tendou thought slowly, getting up. "That irritating voice of an old man… I will recognise it anywhere, even if it has already been four years."

"Master?" Tendou inquired tentatively. "Maste- What the _hell _are you doing?!"

"Aha," Jirochou cackled as he drew a card from the deck. "It's my win then. I use Pikachu's volt tackle!"

"Dad, that's the twelfth consecutive time you have won already," a girl with a ponytail at the front sulked. "Let's move onto Duelmasters already."

"Not yet, not yet," Jirochou grinned, shuffling the deck of cards expertly. "I still haven't got enough of this game. I have got to use Charizard's Hydro Pump first before I am satisfied."

"Dad…" Chin Pirako slapped a hand to her forehead. "Charizard is a fire-type. It _cannot _use water-type moves."

"Really?" Jirochou laughed. "I will just have to settle for its Psychic then."

"Ah, I'm not explaining anymore," she said. "By the way, there's been a guy behind you for some time. Can I cut him down?"

"Not this one, you sadistic daughter," Jirochou said, dealing out the cards.

"Why are you dealing for three people?" Chin Pirako asked.

"Because there will be three people playing, obviously," Jirochou said. "Oi, brat."

"Yes?!" Tendou found himself saying.

"Did that natural perm manage to fix your mental issues?"

Tendou found himself pondering. What was his sense of beauty now? Was it still a blood-red Kabukicho?

"I don't know, old man," Tendou shrugged and sat down, taking his cards. "Mayb- Oi, why did I get all the weak pokemon here?! How the _hell _did you shuffle, old man?!"

"Shut up, brat," Jirochou looked at him for the first time in four years. "Or I will kill you."

After finishing his sentence, he gave a smile, a genuine one that he had only displayed to his daughter, an old woman and a certain natural permhead in recent years.

"Dad, who's this guy? He looks like he haven't taken a shower in weeks," Chin Pirako commented.

"Well, you look like you haven't taken one in years," Tendou replied.

"Dad, can I kill this person? I want to stain the flowers with his blood. They will look even more beautiful for sure."

_Yeah, a real sadist like you. I bet you could hit it off straightaway. Probably go around murdering flowers or something._

"Looks like he was spot-on, after all," Tendou said softly as he began to enjoy himself for the first time in four whole years.

_Guess this is my new sense of beauty then. Playing a game of cards with an old man and a yandere in a flowery land. Well, it ain't so bad after all._

* * *

**Author's ending note: And that concludes the Smackdown Arc. It's funny but even though I gave Tendou so little screen time in this story(Considering he's the main antagonist), I got real attached to him. Maybe it's because he's an original character of mine? I don't know. Anyways, please do review this story as a whole if you guys are free and want to offer constructive criticisms. I'm interested in knowing what areas you guys think I could improve in! Oh yeah, a shoutout to Artemis and TheBlueSheep. Sorry for not incorporating your ideas in this final chapter as I thought I should just end it on a similar note to the previous chapters. However, I will strive to drop all the anime-esque jokes in future works. Cheers!**

**P.S. I'm starting to regret naming this story the SmackDown Arc. As you could probably tell, there are hardly any wrestling references in the content.**

**P.S.S. I never managed to explain the backstory of those two elusive managers. This is because they were simply meant as a parody of the wrestling duo, Undertaker and Kane. However, I can say that they worked for Tendou's second master. **


End file.
